Wrestling the Hulk by Linda Hogan

Author:Linda Hogan
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins

Chapter Eight

Going Through the Motions

DURING THE COUPLE OF YEARS LEADING UP TO THE reality show, Terry’s career was on a slower track. He was home all the time enjoying being a dad and not having to be on the road 24-7. He loved spending time with the kids and taking Nick to hockey or soccer games. Despite being as famous as he was, Terry would hang out on the sidelines with me and make conversation with the other parents. People were always warm and friendly to him, and he was the same way back. It was nice that my kids had both of their parents cheering them on.

My relationship with Terry at this point was becoming difficult, and it certainly wasn’t like a honeymoon. It was more like we were going through the motions. Our sex life was one of convenience for him. And for me, I had so much on my plate with running the household that by the end of the day I was exhausted from taking care of the never-ending flow of people, employees, and friends who were in our home on a daily basis (our housekeeper was part-time, which meant I cleaned up at the end of each day). I would crawl into bed and hit the sheets. I was dead tired, but I looked forward to time alone with my husband to try to reconnect.

Just because I was ready for bed and some snuggling didn’t mean Terry was. At eleven P.M. he’d head into his bathroom, turn the TV on, and start his beauty regime of showering and shaving his whole body. It seemed like we could never go to bed at the same time or get on the same schedule. He marched to the beat of his own drum. If Terry could have made some conversation with me or reached over and tenderly touched me and rubbed my shoulders, I probably would have been more responsive to him, but he always seemed so distant.

I was so used to his indifference that I just let it go. I never really spoke up for myself because I didn’t want to start a big argument in the middle of the night by saying things like “Shut off the TV. How about having a little conversation?” or “Do you even care what I did today?” If he couldn’t see that he wasn’t paying attention to me, it wasn’t worth starting a whole argument about it. I could never win, so I just sort of gave up. Then, he woke me up for sex after I had fallen asleep. Sometimes I just had to get back up and sleepwalk through it. It really confused me why he didn’t spend time with me when I was awake waiting for him. I was basically doing my wifely duties. It became unemotional, and we sort of functioned on that level for a while. I tried to keep it as civil as possible, and so did he. We just existed, together but separately. He never seemed like he wanted to talk about his personal feelings.

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